It’s funny to think of binging on ice cream as a positive event. The behavior wasn’t helpful and certainly tells me that I still have issues with food. But then, I probably always will have – at least some. That seems to be the nature of the beast.

The good news was that I got up this morning and got back on track, eating moderately and eating real food. I didn’t fall into a massive guilt attack. I didn’t try to make up the extra calories by skipping breakfast, which is an old standard of mine. I actually made myself eat breakfast, which is an important component of healthy eating routines.

I’m finally learning that it’s not the calories. It’s not about depravation, or denying myself things I enjoy. It’s not about guilt. It’s not about will power. Thank god on that one. It’s about establishing sensible eating habits. It’s about eating when I’m hungry and stopping when I’m full. It’s about taking the time and effort to actually enjoy what food I do eat.

So I ate a pint of Cinnamon Dolce ice cream instead of dinnner yesterday. I noticed that I didn’t feel real well afterwards. I didn’t sleep particulartly well either, though I often don’t on full moon nights. Today, I was able to go back to three satisfying meals and a glass of milk now as I’m winding down towards bedtime. I put in my miles walking. And, damnit I did not sabatage my weight loss because it’s not about weight loss but about establishing a healthy relationship to food.

There’s a bit of an edge still about the process, but I’m getting there.