I’ve heard it before. I’m sure that you have too. We don’t eat because we are hungry. We eat in an attempt to fix an uncomfortable emotional state. Food is love. Food is reward. Food is withheld as punishment. Finish your homework and you can have a cookie. You shouldn’t have done that. No dessert for you tonight. You look so down, here, have some nachos.

And dating revolves around meals. There are the tentative first meetings over lunch or coffee, which often includes a pastry. There are the romantic dinners, with candle light and wine that often end with some decadent dessert, a hopeful prelude to more physical pleasures.

None of that is bad. Or it none of it would be bad if we didn’t develop associations between food and emotional states. But we can’t help having associations and it is so easy to go straight to the food that was once associated with something else. No romance in my life now? Go straight to the chocolate. Feeling blue and tired? Pizza will remind me of younger more carefree days. Just plain feeling blah? A muffin will put that at a distance for a while.

The problem with turning to food to fill an emotional void is, well, besides that it makes us fat, it just doesn’t work. Eating may temporarily insulate us from uncomfortable emotions but it does nothing to address the underlying issue. I’m feeling anxious and really want a blueberry scone right now. Unfortunately blueberry scones are not anti-anxiety medicines. I’ll enjoy the taste. I’ll enjoy the feeling of fullness. I’ll enjoy the coffee that I’ll have with the scone. But my pattern is to feel anxious when I’m avoiding doing something.

It may not even be something unpleasant. I generally enjoy writing and generally feel better when I do write. I’ve been avoiding blogging for a couple of days now. I’ve actually had pretty good reasons for not writing, but not now. Now not writing is simple avoidance. Avoidance makes me feel anxious. Anxiety triggers craving for some kind of baked goods, bad cravings. But now some 300 or so words into an entry the craving is going away. This time not snacking was easy to handle. That isn’t always so.

There are the times I go into fear about finances. That isn’t a simple matter of avoidance. It isn’t even something over which I have complete control. This is a scary point in the life of a lot of us. And a lot of people, like me, want to turn to food for consolation. A big Mexican dinner might do the trick for an evening. That’s a tougher one that can’t be solved by doing something I’m avoiding but requires simply dealing with the feelings. It’s so easy to pig out and let the natural feelings of fulfillment that comes with a big meal keep the worry at a distance. That does work in the short term. The long term consequences of eating for its sedating effects are also likely to cause problems, but, damn, I feel anxious right now.

But eating my way out of a bad mood is disempowering. It’s admission that I can’t deal with my feelings. It’s an admission that my moods, fearful, anxious, bored, and so on, are more powerful than my need for good health. That’s not something I like to admit, but since I’m overweight it must be so. Or it has been so in the past. Right now, today, I’ll remind myself that I’ve made some reasonably good choices about money recently and deal with the mood. It too shall pass.